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What the point of me being a part of this family like really i just dont understand my friends love me more than this they sure as hell treat me better but yet i stay and hope for change even though i know it wont happen i just want them to know that i am here to at least say hi or just to point out that they notice me thats it im not asking for loads but nothing i mean today my cousins came over and they had fun learning line dancing and eating and i was in my room like i feel like nobody thought of me you know or even bothered to ask until they went to the restroom and saw that my bedroom light was on thats when they came in and was like ooooooo your here…. idk but i think i shouldve stayed in dallas the only good thing that came out of me coming back was that fact that me and chris got back together :) which makes it worth staying cause i am in love with him and also that i got to see my best friend jessica shes an amazing person she really is no matter how weird people think she is i was always be at her side always… but other than that nothing came back got a job that barely gives hours got money taken away treated like shit not able to go anywhere… idk im trying my hardest to not do anything stupid because i want to be with chris to be honest he is the only thing that really keeps me going….


I swear some people get so mad over nothing like seriously its not necessary but i guess she like the fact that she can make me feel like shit anytime she wants so here i sit listening to chiodos and crying while they are all outside like ugh whatever i cant tell her shit cause then shell take my phone away again man i need to get out of here but i cant i have no where to go and i know my mom would get all sad and what not… I’m so tired of living my life in fear lies and sadness just because of her its not right and every time i try to tell someone they think I’m exaggerating but I’m not nobody has any idea of the emotional abuse that i go through almost every singe day and people wonder why i am the way i am….

My job and family infuriate me…

So i was supposed to work today from 3 to 9:30 but then my manager was like no at 6 then she was like no you have off like wtf i barely get any hours as it is and she is still taking away more hours like what is that do employers not understand that we have jobs to get money cause we need it or do they think we just have jobs for fun… its just idk then i tell my mom and grace and grace makes it seem like its my fault cause i gave her my cell number and i told her that she would’ve told me anyways cause she has graces number and shes like no she probably wouldn’t have cause she would’ve been harder to tell and i was like so now its my fault and she says no but why did i give my manager my number ugh like wtf so now its all my fuckin fault for everything ugh whatever i hate this a job was supposed to keep me away from here and get me support for somethings but no its all still the same i feel like shit and don’t want to deal with anything right now ….


What is it with guys ugh like they think they know everything and that they are always right but let me tell y’all something y’all aren’t and don’t OK ugh i know i sound kind of mean but i mean I’ve been in many situations where they assume things and start bitching at me then you explain and they are all like o like wtf i swear you were just yelling at me a sec ago i don’t know but this one guy told me today that i need to open up to him and i told him i wasn’t that way and he came out with this shit that i need to cause all this mumbo jumbo and i swear he was acting like he knew what he was talking about but a while back i toldĀ  him the same and he looked at me all flippin stupid hmmmm so when i say it im wrong but when you say it its like a break though in the world no hon doesn’t work that way sorry

Extreme Boredom…

I swear this house is so boring. I mean every time I am left at home all alone I get so confused because I am not quit sure what I am supposed to do. At first I will think and be like “man there has to be something great that I am supposed to do when my mom and her girlfriend aren’t home” but nothing comes to mind like ever. I have no idea so i just go outside and smoke cause I mean I can’t smoke when they are there but after that nothing. I know that some people are going to be like “go somewhere but if I do and they come home I screw myself over ugh so that is why I just don’t even do it. I am thinking of doing like youtube videos but I get really nervous in front of a camera so I am working on it but I don’t know. AHHHHHHHH

this is ridiculous

what is with all this social networks why cant all people just use one do you know how much easier it would be if everyone just used one no need for looking for the same person over and over again on every different network grr i swear i guess this is a blog thing which is good cause i have loads to say well yeah i talk all this shit about everyone having like loads of different networks but i swear im like everyone else i have a facebook a yearbook a tumblr of course i used to have a myspace and i have a twitter ahh so many blah its crazy but whatever time to go idk do something lol

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